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Author   Topic : "Flirtatious Girlfriends ..."
Andromeda
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:39 am     Reply with quote
... your girlfriend gets drunk, starts flirting with a friend of yours.. lies on his lap, kisses his hand when shes saying goodbye, that sorta thing.
oh plus she totally ignores your existence ...

Now two Questions ..

1) What do YOU do ...

2) Do you believe that a person can lose total control when they're drunk.

Personally, i believe that a person still has a modicum of control when intoxicated, they can still control their actions.

because i have been totally pissed before .. like crying over the toilet bowl, then passing out afterwards kinda pissed ... but i still knew what i was doing for some reason. im not a good drinker btw, i am just somehow still aware of my surroundings and my actions.


Edit:
Oh one last thing ... *insert whine about life here* ..

k im done.

seems like when i run into something i always whine on the forums .. hahahaha .. well on sijun forums actually ... only on sijun ...
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Ian Jones
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:39 am     Reply with quote
1) Truely, the only solution is to talk to her about it. Don't confront her, don't make her feel as if it's her fault / she's the problem or a discussion will turn into an argument. It's about understanding each other, and that won't happen if you try to forget about it. Eventually she may pick up on your state of distraction and that can sometimes make things more difficult.

2) Yes it is possible I believe, but rare. There could be other explanations, which is why I said don't "confront" her, just talk. She may have just struck a chord with this friend and they both finally got past the 'I better not look at or go near her, she's my friends girl" stage. ? if you get my drift. It may have been them actually beginning a friendship.

This would be an unhealthy relationship if you guys didn't talk about it, so don't waste any time letting it simmer. Compose your thoughts by all means, spend a day or two just thinking about it so its clear what you want to know from her, and what you want to let her know about how you feel.

Noone is an expert at this sort of thing, and it's the right thing to seek some sort of answers, so I don't think it's wrong for you to 'whine' about it amongst friends (Sijun) at all. I hope that is somehow helpful.
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Gort
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:01 am     Reply with quote
My opinion:

Don't waste your time. Relationships are (or should be) conditions for respect and selflessness, and if the person you're with can't recognize those conditions, then find someone that can. I speak from experience; I wasted nearly four years of my life with someone thinking she could change.

I was wrong.
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Ranath
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:49 am     Reply with quote
you can't change anyone that's true. She didn't really cheat you though, but you must make very sure that she understands that you didn't like of what she did and you won't take any crap from her - if she continues doing that you know she doesn't have the respect for you and you can get rid of her.

Maybe it really was stupid mistake and she was drunk etc. and that guy was super charming player or something... and maybe she regrets it a lot right now.



My advice: Don't get drunk.
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gLitterbug
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:30 am     Reply with quote
Upgrade to gf 2.0. In other words, dump her and get something better. Sure I haven't seen the exact situation etc, but if my gf transforms into a hobby lapdancer when she drank over her thirst, I'd tell her what the problem is and most probably split up. But then I'd not really want a girlfriend that gets drunk like that in the first place.
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[Shizo]
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:51 am     Reply with quote
Either way, don't sweat it too much.
People come and go. People come together and split even after 50 years sometimes. Or 5 months.. it doesn't matter. As my homedawgs would say: "Just do you." Smile
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Drunken Monkey
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:11 pm     Reply with quote
start flirting with/dating other chicks. and make sure she knows...

works great.

Talking about it as in "make sure she understands" is a waste of time. She will fuck other guys behind your back anyway. Women are not faithful creatures by nature, they are just smarter than men in that area because they rarely get caught.

p.s.
And please don't put that vagina on a pedestal. Don't settle for anything but real quality.
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Nilwort
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:23 pm     Reply with quote
There is a widespread misunderstanding between the sexes that we function in ways that can be understood by the other. That is part of the magic in the courtship/relationship thing because when it does work, it is like a miracle, and when it doesn't, it's like some natural disaster because it seems to make no sense.

You've got to be honest with yourself. Why did she show interest in this other guy? Was he more handsome, more talkative, more witty, more willing to show affection, or something else?

The greatest asset you have is yourself. Never forget that. Nothing is worth tearing yourself up about. Just be objective and look at the facts in this situation. So your girlfriend seemed to show interest in another guy while intoxicated? Maybe she was drunk. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she wants something new. You've got to have the guts and the intelligence to realize this, accept it, and make it work to your advantage.

If you see yourself spending lots of time and energy without any results (I don't mean just sex), pick yourself up and move on. If you can open up some form of communication with her, do so, but you might risk appearing needy and insecure. Women operate very differently than you might expect, especially ones that are confident in themselves.

You can love and care about people, but getting attached to them when there is no real connection is only going to lead to you feeling like shit. Then again, feeling rejected and lonely feels like shit as well, so perhaps it is a matter of personal taste.

Be strong, man. The truth is brutal.
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[Shizo]
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 12:45 am     Reply with quote
I'm sure you talked to her about it by now. (i would talk to her as soon as she was sober, if i were you)
So what did she say?!!! Wink (hehe i like this soap opera stuff)
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Impaler
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:53 am     Reply with quote
Possibly the best advice I can give you is, "Don't listen to drunken monkey."
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gLitterbug
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 12:47 pm     Reply with quote
Funny how two threads about girls seem to be starting some trouble lately.
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seth1
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:19 pm     Reply with quote
Actually one of my good friends, girl friends did that the other night! She got pretty drunk, and went around kissing guys on the cheek and flirting with other guys, right infront of her boyfriend. I was one of them Confused He dident even get upset or get mad after she came back they had some hot steaming dance session and the boyfriend dident get upset at all.. Kinda odd situation to be in when her boyfriend standing right there and she goes to makeout with you, your like wtf umm boyfriend haha... Ive had a girlfriend that has done a couple things like that to an extent! I really dident do any thing except talk to the guys and my girlfriend later to see why she thought she should go around kissing guys and if she would ever do it again etc.... We had the talk some harsh words where thrown around next week SHE dump me. It was for the best though most likly would of kept doing it. The reason that when she is drunk she can not control what she is doing, but i know she could, and she did what she wanted when she was drunk, and used it as an excuse to get away with what ever she did then... The best thing you can do with it is talk things over with her and tell her what you think about the situation! Ever happends again dump her ass and upgrade to girlfriend 2.0 like gLitterbug says:D
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Drunken Monkey
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:41 pm     Reply with quote
do not talk about this shit with your bitch... you look insecure and desperate
persue other chicks in front of her, or better yet get other girls numbers in front of her...

impaler... you will raise other dudes kids.
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[Shizo]
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:43 pm     Reply with quote
Impaler wrote:
Possibly the best advice I can give you is, "Don't listen to drunken monkey."

Yeah, i think he has some sand in his vagina or something.. hehe
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Amilee
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 7:47 am     Reply with quote
Well, I'd say talk it out. But she will be mad at you. I'd say that Ian Jones and Nilwort hit this nail on the head. Best advice I've read!
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Lunatique
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:05 pm     Reply with quote
Some couples have very specific rules about how much flirting is ok, and how much is too much, but when there are no such rules set before hand, it should be common sense to not kiss some guy's hand and lay on his fucking lap. I feel for you man.

Personally, I think girls who do that shit show a lack of class and dignity. I prefer classy chicks.
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Ragnarok
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 5:44 am     Reply with quote
Lunatique, you have one Very Happy

Andromeda, I would talk to her. That should set the record straight.
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Tift-sju
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:09 am     Reply with quote
This is a somewhat long post but I've come across some great information relating to relationships that I like to share with people who are in these kinds of situations. And all these situations always seem to come down to this; that is that everyone wants what they can’t have and loses interest in what they do have. For example: You remember as a kid when you REALLY wanted a toy so bad that you would do anything for it, but, soon after you got it, the novelty wore off and then you wanted that other toy REALLY badly. In your situation it's your girlfriend and other guys. She, with regards to society, can't have two boyfriends at once. She can only have you or else she is labeled a slut, so naturally, she wants other guys.

There are a few ways to remedy this. How do you get a kid to keep wanting that toy? Well I agree with Drunken Monkey, show interest in other girls. Show that she doesn’t have you. Her knowing that you could walk away at any moment will light that fire of desire. When she knows that she doesn't have you she will pursue you until she does. So don't let her have you. If you dont agree with her about something say so and hold it. If don't like what she is doing or notice something dumb about her, call her on it. Dont always be available. All that kind of stuff. This is best to start at the beginning of a relationship though, and losen up as the relationship progresses.

With regards to what she did at the party, it is definitely one of woman's MANY tests. Like you said when you are drunk you still know what you are doing. She wanted you to see her doing this, she wants to make you jealous, and she is seeing how you handle it. If you go up to her and talk to her about it, she is going to say "I was drunk, we're just friends, relax it didn’t mean anything" and she will likely get offended.

In any case I would start showing her that she doesn’t have you, or it may be to late and you should dump her. If you don’t you do one of these two things I guarantee you will either be dumped yourself, or you will become that guy that is totally whipped. The boyfriend that is all "yes dear, ok dear, whatever you say dear" and forget that, that's for when you're married. And believe me, my best friend is that way, it's very not cool.

I will leave you with a good quote. "Men play the game, women know the score"
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YVerloc
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:47 am     Reply with quote
Free advice so take it for what it's worth.

Dump her and move along.

What you wrote shows that you feel that her behavior showed you disrespect. Disrespect is a subjective thing - sometimes it's recieved when it's not intentionally given, and vice versa - you can navel gaze all you like. But if you do feel disrespected, regardless of whether or not the disrespect was intentinal, you have to ask yourself if you are going to act upon your feelings or not.

Should you talk to her about it? Do you need her permission and validation to feel disrespected? Are you seriously going to ask someone who made you feel disrespected if they intended to do so? What are they going to say - yes?

Do you only act upon feelings that other people validate?

I'm sorry to say this is a no-win situation. Even the best-case scenario is a recipe for disaster. Let's just say you have a chat with her, and come to agree with her that the situation was innocent and that the feelings of disrespect you felt were unjustified. All's right with the world right? Wrong. You have just taught your girlfriend that you need external validation for your feelings and opinions. You've just told her that your need for reassurance is greater than your self respect. Have fun being a doormat.

Does drunkeness alter the analysis? Not one iota. If you burnt your house down while drunk, would it magically reappear when you sober up? So why would a disrespectful act suddenly transform itself into an innocent one once the perpetrator dries out?

Do you respect yourself to act upon your feelings, right or wrong? Or do you want mommy to kiss the boo-boo and make it go away? I'm being deliberately harsh. This really is one of those situations in life that separates the men from the boys.

I feel for you. I know how hard this situation can be from experience. Good luck.

Remember - this advice was free. You get what you pay for.
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Lunatique
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:32 am     Reply with quote
I think the core of the issue is mainly that if you want to deal with someone who's got some type of personality dysfunction where she needs that much attention from men other than her partner. It doesn't matter if she's just trying to make you jealous, or she's got some other issues that manifests in the form of flirting with other men--the fact is, she's behaving in a fashion that is unacceptable by normal people's standards, and anyone with a brain would know behavior like hurts the feeling of a romantic partner (unless there were specific rules worked out beforehand). I'm at the age where I just don't tolerate any games. Younger women (below 30) tend to be confused and can't figure out what they need or what they want (the two might not be the same), and they are often insecure or have other dysfunctions that are not quite worked out yet (this is a generalization--there are mature young women who are not even out of high school). Some of them go on being that way past 30 and onward--those are generally lost causes. I highly recommend you find someone who's mature and confident enough to not have to resort to flirting to assure herself of her own desirability. If she does it just for fun (even when drinking), then you gotta wonder if that's a healthy thing as well--if she knows it hurts you. You really have to talk to her about it--this isn't something you just let slide, unless you don't plan on being with her much longer. If talking about her makes you look like a doormat, then I think the relationship is doomed anyway.
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The Insane Lemur
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:41 am     Reply with quote
dont take girls to parties, take them to private places, although you dont have the edge of them being drunk, just act like james bond and youll never have drama again
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eliseu gouveia
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:17 am     Reply with quote
Don´t take it too personally, guys; girls like to play, doesn´t mean they like you any less.
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Ranath
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:50 am     Reply with quote
but it's disrespect and I don't have to take any of that.
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Yarik
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:44 pm     Reply with quote
lol, a bunch of key board jockeys. I wouldn't take advice from any members here (no offense) Laughing
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ElfGirlKimmy
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 8:01 pm     Reply with quote
Question 1... Push her off a cliff. That's what I'd do.

Or not...? Rolling Eyes

Question 2..... No clue, never been drunk, don't hang out with drunk people. Not into partying.

Which, you know, is prob'ly a good idea when you're with your girl. Avoid drunk scenes. Find other things to do instead. Wink

Or something. Yeah.
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Nilwort
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 8:22 pm     Reply with quote
Yarik wrote:
lol, a bunch of key board jockeys. I wouldn't take advice from any members here (no offense) Laughing


So how did you get those letters to appear on the screen? Telepathy? Voice recognition? Brute, masculine will?
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lysander
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:19 am     Reply with quote
The Insane Lemur wrote:
dont take girls to parties, take them to private places, although you dont have the edge of them being drunk, just act like james bond and youll never have drama again


hahaha, great advice Very Happy
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Yarik
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:51 am     Reply with quote
Nilwort wrote:
Yarik wrote:
lol, a bunch of key board jockeys. I wouldn't take advice from any members here (no offense) Laughing


So how did you get those letters to appear on the screen? Telepathy? Voice recognition? Brute, masculine will?


Rolling Eyes I'm guessing you are refering to "keyboard jockeys" quote. Right? In that case, you have to realise my joke and perspective.
It's the same when people at home yell at how bad the coaches in football are. What do we call these people?

Same thing for girls and seduction. We call them "keyboard jockeys" if they have no experience (or very little) and give out lots of advice. Laughing
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Nilwort
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 1:36 pm     Reply with quote
Quote:

Same thing for girls and seduction. We call them "keyboard jockeys" if they have no experience (or very little) and give out lots of advice. Laughing


Yes, I understand Yarik. Why don't you provide some advice instead of criticizing the people who tried to help him out?
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Ranath
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:14 am     Reply with quote
or you could just criticize our advice instead of criticizing the fact that we give advice...

you don't like my advice? Are you suggesting that taking just any crap from her is a good choice? Is that what you would do, let your gf walk all over you, mess with other guys and you let her get away with it...
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